Akito's Adventure in TVLand
by MegumiRaeda
Summary: Akito vs. tv shows. Title was Akito vs. Barney. rated M for language and violence. We do not own any of the charaters or shows in this story...Chapter 13 is now up
1. Akito vs Barney

**Author's Note: **This story has been made to solely torture Akito *evil smile*. Oh, and please no flames, but constructive criticism is good.

This story was originally written as a one-time blurb. Due to common demand, we are writing a sequel, and possibly a series.

**Warnings: **the Barney song "FEAR IT!"

**Disclaimer:** We do not own Fruits Basket or Barney or anything related to either.

**This story is a joint project by both Raeda and Megumi (if you don't understand read our profile).**

**Episode 1**

**~Akito vs. Barney~**

"I love you, you love me…"

"HELL NO!"

"We're a happy family…"

"SHUT UP!"

"With a great big hug…" -squeeze-

"GET THE FUCK OFF ME!"

"And a kiss from me to you…"

-smack- "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?"

"Won't you say you love me too?"

"HATORI! KUREANO! EXTERMINATE THIS GOD DAMN FREAK!"

"Awww! That's not very nice!"

"I DON'T CARE!"

"But you might hurt someone's feelings!"

"I DON"T GIVE A DAMN!"

"But they'll get mad at you."

"So, no one would dare hurt me!"

"Why's that?"

"Two reasons: A- I'm the head of the Sohma family. And B- I'd beat the shit out of them!"

"But that's not very nice."

-sigh-

~3 Hours Later~

"FOR THE LAST GOD DAMN TIME, I DON'T CARE IF IT'S NICE OR NOT!"


	2. Akito vs Blue

By: Raeda & Megumi

Author's Note: Raeda here. Anyway, this sequel is all thanks to those of you who gave such supportive comments. Thanks, it means a lot. Depending on the comments we get on this one, Megumi and I were thinking about turning it into a whole series, so…we'll see how it turns out. Anyway, hope you all enjoy!

Episode 2

~Akito vs. Blues Clues~

-Joe walks in- "Hi everyone!"

"Who the hell are you? What happened to that guy in the green shirt?"

-Steve walks by in a black and white striped jumpsuit doing cocaine-

"Oh…"

"Come on kids, let's go look for Blues Clues!"

-silence…-

"Where the hell am I? Why is there a blue dog running around? Did Shigure try to cook with food coloring or did he fall in the paint again…that idiot!"

"Look everyone! It's a Blues Clue!"

"Where the hell have you been?"

-Joe points at the back of Akito's head-

"See kids! It's a paw print! That means we've found a Clue!"

-crickets chirping in background-

"Why are you all staring at me like that?"

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!

_Mechanical voice_: _"We're sorry, but this portion has been cut out due to the level of profanity and violence that ensues."_

-screen comes back on to reveal men taking away a large, corpse-shaped…_thing_ in a bag-

"Humph…stupid idiot"

-Blue walks up-

"What the hell do you want?"

"Bark!"

"What?"

"Bark! Ruff ruff bark!"

"Oh, go to hell!"


	3. Akito vs Dora the Explorer

**Author' Note**: Hey all, Raeda here. I wrote this one since my twin doesn't know Spanish; she takes French. I put footnotes in for those of you who, like Megumi, would have no idea what I was saying if I suddenly just started spewing random Spanish phrases. Hopefully, that will make it easier to understand. Hope you enjoy it! (Damn, if Akito were real Megumi and I would be dead by now…) lol.

**Disclaimer**: We do not own Fruits Basket or Dora the Explorer

**Warnings**: Swearing, and lots of it. (as always)

Episode 3

~Akito vs. Dora the Explorer~

"!Hola!" (1)

"Who the hell are you?"

"I'm Dora! What's your name?"

"None of your damn business!"

"Aw! You're a chico malo. You shouldn't say that!" (2)

"I DON'T GIVE A DAMN!"

-Boots walks in-

"Hi Dora!"

"Hola, Boots!"

"Who's your new friend?"

"I don't know, he won't tell me his name."

"I know! We'll call him….Mr. Grumpy!"

"Great, now I'm named after one of those goddamn dwarves,"

-Swiper sneaks in and 'swipes' Dora's backpack-

"Hey! Swiper took my backpack!"

"Heh, I like this 'Swiper' person already!'

-Swiper 'swipes' something of Akito's-

"Damn it! That was my picture of Yuki! Get back here you son of a bitch!"

-Akito runs off screen, chasing Swiper-

"So, Dora…what now?"

"I don't know…."

-crickets chirping in background-

"Now I've got you, you bastard!"

"Oh….they're back!"

"Don't look Boots, this is rated R!'

"Oh no, he just…"

_We're sorry, but this portion had to be extracted from the confines of this story due to extreme violence._

-Akito walks over, wiping his hands-

"Well, he won't be doing any 'swiping' for a while."

"Dora?"

"Que es, Boots?" (3)

"I…I think I uh… left something….all the way over there…and I'm going to go get it now, ok?"

"Vale, go on. In fact, I'm coming with you." (4)

-They sneak off-

"Hey, where'd everyone go? Oh well, guess I survived another episode…."

**Author's Note:** In response to Akito's last comment: "Yea, till next time!"

!Hola!: Hello

Chico malo: bad boy

Que es: what is it

Vale: ok (used only in Spain)

**Edited Author's Note:** Raeda turns to Meg. "Wow, I can't believe we actually wrote that. We were rather bloodthirsty as teens, weren't we?"


	4. Akito vs Sesame Street

Author's Note: (Raeda here!) OMG! I'm getting tired of the extensive research required to write this story…Oh well, that's what younger siblings are for, right? (Enter maniacal laughter here)

Anyway, this chapter will probably be longer than the others, I think it's about time we finally give this story a plot. (Randomness is great, but I get the feeling some of you are getting bored with this.) Also, I've noticed that when we have more than two characters, it becomes difficult to clarify who's speaking, so there will be names in parenthesis after each quote.

**Disclaimer:** We do not own Fruits Basket or Sesame Street.

I don't know if Megumi has anything to say, she's shy sometimes…but yea, the episode…..

Episode 4

~Akito vs Sesame Street~

"Where am I? And what the HELL is that smell?" (Akito)

"That would be the smell of my cookies." (Cookie Monster)

"How many of those damn things do you have? …..And why are you _blue_?" (Akito)

"I have lots and lots and….I do not know…why _am_ I blue?" (Cookie Monster)

-begins self-examination-

"Hi guys!" (Big Bird)

"Oh, hello Big Bird!" (Cookie Monster)

"Hi, Cookie Monster! Oh! And who is this?" (Big Bird)

"What the fuck? It's a giant bird!…..Get away from me, dumbass!" (Akito)

"Oh, he's not very nice, is he Cookie Monster?" (Big Bird)

"Not at all. He's even worse than the Grouch!" (Cookie Monster)

"Huh? Who said my name? Did you say my name? Why are you saying my name?" (The Grouch)

"Who the hell are you?" (Akito)

"Oh, don't mind him, he's the Grouch." (Big Bird)

"Grr….I'm going back to sleep, don't wake me!" (The Grouch)

"That guy who came through here earlier wasn't too nice, either, was he Big Bird?" (Cookie Monster)

"Oh no, not in the least!" (Big Bird)

"Other guy? What other guy? Who the hell else is in here?" (Akito)

"Oh, what did he say his name was? Do you remember Big Bird?" (Cookie Monster)

"Oh my, I think he said it was All-Mighty-All-Powerful-Shigure-dono-Lord-of-All. Or something like that." (Big Bird)

-crickets chirping in background-

"SAY WHAT?" (Akito)

"Why yes, he said he was running from someone, someone he had accidentally pulled "into the television"." (Big Bird)

"Oh yes, now I remember!" (Cookie Monster)

"Yea, he said there was a way that others could be watching too. He mentioned someone named Yuki, Kyo and Tohru." (Big Bird)

-In Shigure's living room-

"I think they're on to us." (Kyo)

-Back on the set-

"That's it! Where's the exit, the portal or whatever shit that takes me to the next world?" (Akito)

"What are you talking about?" (Cookie Monster)

"Grrr! Tell you what. I'll spare your life if you show me how to get out of here!...Instead I'll kill that goddamn dog!" (Akito)

"I don't know what you mean!" (Cookie Monster)

"I MEAN…" (Akito)

-disappears into thin air-

"Where'd he go?" (Cookie Monster)

"I don't know." (Big Bird)

-silence-

"Can I have a cookie?" (Big Bird)


	5. Akito vs Sailor Moon

**Disclamer: **We do not own Fruits Basket or Sailor Moon

**Warning: **Swearing (lots, as always)

**Author's Note: **Muahaha! I had lots of fun with this one! PINK! Hee hee! But yea, some of these things, though, are left to your imagination. Oh, my I'm sorry, it seems that another chapter must be censored (It is a kid's show…). Oh, and this chapter is LONG! I think they're going to be longer from now on. Oh, and sorry if I misspelled any names, they're really weird and hard to spell. 0.0 Wow, even the author's note is longer. Sorry for gabbing for so long.

On to the story!

Episode 5

~Akito vs. Sailor Moon~

"Where am I _this_ time? Why am I wearing _PINK_! And WHY DO I HAVE PIGTAILS?" (Akito)

"Gfbrockfmije." (Unidentified mass of blonde hair)

"What the…who are you?" (Akito)

"Go back to sleep, Rini!" (Unidentified mass of blonde hair)

"But it's morning!" (Akito/Rini)

"Ow! What was that for?" (We'll let you decide)

"Get out of bed, you lazy a—" (Akito/Rini)

"GOOD MORNING!" (Unidentified mass of blond hair #2)

"Waaah!" (Unidentified mass of blonde hair #1…Falling out of bed)

"Jeez, Serena, did you leave poor Rini to get her own breakfast again?" (Violet looking mass of black hair)

"Leave it to her to do something like that!" (Snippy Brunette)

"You know, statistics show kids these days don't get enough—" (Blue-haired know it all)

"Yea, yea, Ami, we don't need your statistics right now!" (Violet looking mass of black hair)

"What are you guys doing here?" (Mass of blonde hair #1 aka Serena)

"We came to give you a special wake-up call!" (Grinning, Snippy Brunette)

"Gee, thanks guys…" (Serena)

"Look, this is all very fascinating but who the hell are you guys?" (Akito/Rini)

-Back in Shigure's living room-flipping through TV channels-

"Hey guys, what do you want to watch?" (Haru)

"How the hell should I know?" (Kyo)

"Well…umm…uh…what's on?" (Tohru)

"Well we can watch Akito in pink or Shigure wrestling alligators on Animal Planet." (Haru)

"PINK!" (Left half of the room, including Yuki)

"ALLIGATORS!" (Right half of the room, including Kyo)

"Stupid Cat." (Yuki)

"Why you goddamn rat!" (Kyo)

"Akito it is then…" (Haru)

-Back to Akito vs. Sailor Moon-

"So you're saying that creepy perv who came through earlier is the reason you're here?" (Snippy Brunette a.k.a Lita)

"YES, DAMNIT! HOW MANY TIMES MUST I SAY IT?" (Akito/Rini)

"Hmm…..my, my, this is like a science fiction!" (Blue-haired know-it-all a.k.a Ami)

"Now, wait…if you're here, then what happened to Rini?" (Mass of blonde hair #2 a.k.a Mina)

-In closet-

"Mphglurstochkek!" (Rini)

-Back in Serena's living room-

"Oh well, we'll figure it out later, but for now can we please focus on getting this weirdo out of my living room?" (Serena)

"I think I have to agree with Blondie over there." (Akito)

"Grr….why you….grr….." (Serena)

-Mina grabs Serena-

"Shut up! We'll get rid of him, ok?" (Mina)

"That is if he doesn't get rid of Serena first." (Lita)

"I don't think I've seen anyone turn that color before." (Rae)

"YOU LITTLE BITCH!" (Akito)

-10 minutes later: ambulance drives away-

"Oh man, what are we going to tell Darien?" (Rae)

"You can tell the idiot he d—" (Akito)

-Silence-

"Where'd he go?" (Lita)

"It appears as though—" (Ami)

"In laymen's terms please!" (Every one else)

"He disappeared. Apparently to the next show." (Ami)

"Oh…" (Mina)

"So…who's up for breakfast? My treat!" (Lita)

-In closet-

"Mphgurfladumlakompkf" (translation- Don't forget about me!) (Rini)


	6. Akito vs FMA

**Disclaimer: **We do not own Fruits Basket or Fullmetal Alchemist.

**Author's Note:** Sorry guys, my life has been a living hell the last three weeks and there's no end in sight, so this is all I have to post right now. But I'm afraid that if I don't post something I'm going to have rabid fans coming after me. No continuation of the plot in this one, but I swear, I'll have Akito catch Shigure soon, as long as Megumi doesn't mind. Sorry again, I'll try to get my lazy ass in gear.

Episode 6

~Akito vs. FMA~

-In Shigure's living room, static on the screen-

"What are you all doing here? And has anyone seen Akito?" (Hatori)

"Yea, we're watching him on tv." (Haru)

"And Shigure-sensei is there too!" (Momiji)

"Then why is there static on the screen?" (Hatori)

"It's not appropriate for kids like Kisa and Hiro to watch." (Haru)

"Oh please, it's hardly inappropriate. I mean, we've seen Yuki do worse to Kyo." (Hiro)

"SHUT UP YOU LITTLE PUNK!" (Kyo...duh!)

"I wonder if it's over yet." (Haru)

-In show-

"I'm sorry. Big brother is sensitive to words like 'short'! Here, let me help you up!" (Alphonse)

"Don't touch me you creepy hunk of metal!" (Akito)

"Well, it's his own fault! I AM NOT SHORT!" (Edward)

"What's the shrimp yelling about now?" (Roy)

"Why you—" (Ed)

-change channel-

"Sorry everyone, we'll have to wait this out." (Haru)

"Aw, come on!" (Half the room)

"Alright, let's see if it's ok yet." (Haru)

-click-

"—itch, I'm gonna—" (Ed)

-click-

"Nope." (Haru)


	7. Akito vs the Looney Tunes

**Disclaimer: **We do not own Fruits Basket or the Looney Tunes...or Naruto

**Author's Note:** Okies, life is still hell for me, but I think I can write…thank god for oblivious teachers! Anyway, yea, I'll keep my promise, we'll catch up to Shigure in the next chapter. Meg and I have been planning it for months, and I'm going to have lots of fun writing this one! Well, here's the episode!

Episode 7

~Akito vs. Looney Tunes~

"What the—" (Akito)

"Shh…I'm hunting wabbits!" (Elmur Fudd)

"You're hunting what?" (Akito)

"Wabbits!" (Elmur)

"Nya. What's up, Doc?" (Bugs Bunny)

"Wha?" (Akito)

"A wabbit!" (Elmur)

-bang bang-

"Come back here, you!" (Elmur)

"Ugh, what now?" (Akito)

"Uwathrumeshrumump!" (Taz)

"What the hell are you saying?" (Akito)

"Uwathrumeshrumump!" (Taz)

"WHAT? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SAYING?" (Akito)

"U-wa-thru-me-shru-mump!" (Taz)

"Oh, fuck this! You people are just messing with me now. You're gonna get it, dumb-

ass!" (Akito)

-click-

"WHAT?" (All habitants of Shigure's living room)

"Sorry, guys, we'll switch back when they drive the loser away in an ambulance." (Haru)

"Hmph. At least go see what the idiot is up to." (Kyo)

"I told you, we'll check when the ambulance leaves." (Haru)

"The OTHER idiot!" (Kyo)

"Oh." (Haru)

-click-

"I'm Naruto Uzumaki. BELIEVE IT!" (Naruto)

"WRONG IDIOT!" (All habitants of Shigure's living room)

"Sorry, too many idiots, it gets confusing." (Haru)

-click-

"Hey, baby, what say you and I go—" (Shigure)

-click-

"Hey, Akito's only one channel behind Shigure." (Haru)

"And by the looks of things, Shigure's going to be on that channel for a while." (Hatori)

-half the room grimaces, the others ignore it-

"Hey, Akito's finished with his latest murder!" (Haru)

"Really? That was fast." (Yuki)

"Wait, isn't that…HOLY SHIT! THERE'S _**THREE**_ BODIES THERE!" (Kyo)

"What?" (Hatori)

"There are." (Haru)

"Oh well." (Whole room)

**More Author's Note:** Hey, just wanted to let you guys know a few things, really. First of all, Naurto will be back later in the series, for those of you who were hoping he'd show up. Only next time, it'll be all of Team 7. Second, I'm sorry if the next chapter takes a while to post, I want to do a good job on it (and build suspense, of course!) . Third, and final announcement: For those of you who were wondering, the three characters who died in this chapter were Taz, Daffy the Duck, and Porky the Pig. So, (in commemoration of Porky…)

T-t-t-t-t-t-t-that's all f-f-f-f-f-f-folks! (for now, that is, there'll be more soon.)


	8. Akito vs Barbie

**Disclaimer: **We do not own Fruits Basket or Barbie or Naruto...again

**Author's Note:** Megumi

Here. Ok, I bet you're all tired of hearing Raeda talk, but there are few known ways to shut her up, and most are pretty extreme. But there are a few things that need to be said:

Again, VERY sorry that it took so long to get this chapter up. Those of you still in school know how it is at the end of the year.

Something Rae didn't include in the story but must be noted is that in this chapter we have made Akito a (female) Barbie doll, and Shigure does NOT recognize him at first (you'll see…)

If Rae doesn't calm down soon, my funeral will be in a week or two, so let it be known that I like black roses. (Just kidding! -heart- Raeda)

ENJOY!

Episode 8

~Akito vs. Barbie~

"Where am I? And who—" (Akito)

"Hey, you're rather playful!" (Guess who!)

"Agh! I definitely could have gone without seeing that!" (Akito)

"Hey hottie, what's wrong? You want some too?" (Shigure)

"Wha—Why you!" (Akito)

"Oh are you jealous? It's ok, I understand!" (Shigure)

"THAT'S IT, NO ONE TALKS TO ME THAT WAY!" (Akito)

"Shit…..Akito? Oh come on, it's not—OW! You big meanie! You hit even harder than Kyo!" (Shigure)

-back in living room-

"Keep talking about me, dumbass! I'll rearrange your face!" (Kyo)

"Stupid cat." (Yuki)

"Why you!" (Kyo)

-click….nothing happens-

"Why won't you two stop?" (Haru…pointing remote at where Yuki and Kyo are)

-back in show-

"Tell me what's going on here, before I take your head off!" (Akito)

"Please untie me, I didn't mean any of it, I swear!" (Shigure)

"NOW!" -evil glare- (Akito)

"Ok, ok, fine. I—" (Shigure)

"DYNAMIC ENTRY!" (You don't want to know)

"What the—" (Akito)

"Why's he wearing green spandex?" (Shigure)

"Good afternoon my dear friends! Brothers in the way of the Eternal Flame of Youth!" (Maito Gai…told ya you didn't want to know)

-crickets chirping in background-

"What is wrong, my dear friends? Are you in your Winter of Discontent?" (Gai)

"What are you saying?" (Shigure)

"I'm clearly saying that—KYAAAAAA!" (Gai)

-click-

"Wow, for once, I think I feel sorry for him." (Kyo)

"Who?" (Hatori)

"I'm not sure." (Kyo)

-click-

"Gyaaa—" (Unknown)

-click-

"It's hard to tell who's winning." (Haru)

"Isn't it?" (Hatori)

-long silence…click-

"You can open your eyes now." (Haru)

-back in show-

"What in Konoha happened here?" (Kakashi)

"..." (Gai)

"Uh, he's unable to answer right now. Ew, ew, blood!" (Shigure)

"I see. And that one over there?" (Kakashi)

-points to Akito, gasping a few feet away-

"Well, he got angry." (Shigure)

"Oh…" (Kakashi)

"'Oh' indeed." (Shigure)

-sigh- "Well, I suppose I should take Gai home. Maybe we can still piece him back together." (Kakashi)

-takes Gai and disappears-

"Now….as for…you….." (Akito)

"Shit!" (Shigure)

-cli-

"NOOOOOO!" (all inhabitants of living room)

"Oh, all right." (Haru)

-click-

"Ow! Hey, yo—" (Shigure)

-Smack!-

"That should teach you." (Akito)

-In the living room—long silence-

"Is he dead?" (Kyo)

"No, from the looks of it, he's just unconscious." (Hatori)

"Damn!" (Yuki and Kyo)

**More Author's Note:** hee hee, yes, we really are going to end it there! Sorry to all you Gai fans (If there is such a person) but I found it necessary to put an end to the source of the "green spandex induced mental trauma". Lol, anyway, thankies mucho (my bit of spanglish) to ALL of our readers, you guys are great! -heart- Raeda


	9. Akito vs Naruto

Episode 9

~Akito vs. Naruto~

"Hey Naruto!" (Kakashi)

"Wha?" (Naruto)

"Look, it's the dude who beat the shit out of Maito Gai!" (Kakashi)

"There!" -points- (Kakashi)

"Stop staring at me, you nimrods!" (Akito)

"What was that? Did you say the Evil One has returned? The One who hurt Gai-sensei?" (Rock Lee)

"Great, just what I need...more idiots!" (Akito)

"Hey, what's with that dude?" -points- (Naruto)

"Oh, Shigure? He, uh...he's taking a bit of a nap, he's been busy scheming lately." (Akito)

"Looks more like he got the shit beat out of him too." (Sasuke)

"Yea, what happened?" (Sakura)

"He got on my nerves...like you are now." (Akito)

"Enough! No one cares about the strange man lying on the floor!" -gets in Akito's face- "Are you the Evil One who hurt Gai-sensei?" (Rock Lee)

-In living room-

"Hmph! How rude, suggesting that no one cares about my dear Shigure!" (Ayame)

"Where the hell did you come from?" (Kyo)

"Well, since you asked, I was in my shop and Mine said to me..." (Ayame)

"JUST SHUT UP!" (Yuki and Kyo)

-In show-

"Get your ugly face away from me!" (Akito)

"Just for that, I shall have revenge!" -runs at Akito- (Rock Lee)

"Dumbass." -steps aside and trips him- (Akito)

"Why you!" -throws kunai, pinning Akito to the wall- (Rock Lee)

-pulls kunai out and looks at it. Expression slowly changes to evil grin- (Akito)

"Heads up, I feel there may be flying idiot parts." (Kakashi)

"Oh darn, I must have left my umbrella at home." (Sasuke)

"Uh oh!" (Rock Lee)

-runs forward and...- (Akito)

-click!-

"I luv you, you luv me..." (the newly reincarnated Barney)

-In living room-

"HARU!" (everybody but Ayame who is dancing merrily and singing along)

"Sorry" (Haru)

-click!-

"Does anyone have a rag or something? I've got blood on my shirt!" (Sasuke)

"Well, you shouldn't have forgotten your umbrella!" -twirls small, black, blood-streaked umbrella- (Kakashi)

"Oh shut up!" (Sasuke)

"Enough you two! Naruto, go find a healer!" (Sakura)

"Yea, yea..." -runs off- (Naruto)

"Anyone else care to get in my face?" (Akito)

"Hmm...let me think about that a moment..." (Kakashi)

"Dumbass!" (Akito)

-In living room-

"Heh, that's Kakashi for you!" (Raeda...from right behind Kyo)

"Argh!" -falls off chair- "Where the hell did you come from?" (Kyo)

"It's our story, we can come and go as we please." (Raeda)

"But how did you get here?" (Kyo)

"Through the front door of course." (Megumi...also right behind Kyo)

"Damn!" -falls off chair again- "What the HELL?" (Kyo)

"Shh! Shh! This part is funny!" (Raeda)

"Well, we certainly had fun writing it!" (Megumi)

-back in show-

"Hey...wha?" (Shigure)

"SHUT UP!" (Akito, Sakura, and Sasuke)

"Oh dear...my students are getting into a fight with a potentially dangerous foreigner. Oh well, this is my favorite chapter!" -Turns page of book- (Kakashi)

"Hey, I—" -trips over Shigure, knocking him out again- (Naruto)

"Naruto you IDIOT!" (Sakura)

"Well, at least that takes care of Shigure." (Akito)

"What sort of Head are you? You're abusive, you remind me of my brother...DIE!" -throws kunai at Akito- (Sasuke)

"Oh, this again?" (Akito)

-does fireball...thing(jutsu)- (Sasuke)

-In living room-

"'Fireball...thing'?" (Megumi)

"Well, I didn't know what to call it, and you weren't around to ask!" (Raeda)

"Retard." (Megumi)

"Meanie." (Raeda)

-In show-

"You burned my robe! You're going to pay for that you little son of a bitch!" (Akito)

-smirks- (Sasuke)

"You'd better wipe that look off your face before I—" (Akito)

"Before you what? You lay one hand on Sasuke and I'll beat the shit out of you!" (Sakura)

"Oh really? You arrogant bitch!" (Akito)

"BRING IT ON!" (Sakura)

"Hey, isn't that the movie about the hot chicks in mini-skirts with pompoms?" (Kakashi)

"I loved that movie!" (Naruto)

"Eeks, you PERVS!" (Sakura)

-In living room-

"Where the hell did that come from?" (Kyo)

"What were you thinking?" -incriminating glare- (Yuki)

"Don't look at me, she did it!" -points- (Megumi)

"You know, it's too bad Shigure isn't awake, that was one of his favorite movies. That and the one where that girl's shirt was nearly see-through." (Ayame)

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that." (Hatori)

**Author's Note:** O.o That was a long one! Well, I promised Naruto would be back, and when we started writing, we just kept getting idea after idea. By the way, for those of you who were wondering, Meg and I really do act that way in RL. Example: She really does call me "retard" and I really do call her "meanie" (and some other not-so-nice things). On, and for the record, the whole "bring it on" thing really was my idea. And just as a side note, Meg and I were seriously considering reincarnating Barney (yes, we really can do that) for an encore chapter. Any comments on that idea? (If we do, I think we'll give Akito an aluminum bat or something and see what happens) Well, I think that's it for this time. Sorry if the chapters are a little infrequent. Things go slower over the summer, but we'll try to pick up the pace come autumn. Til next time! Ttfn!


	10. Akito vs Winnie the Pooh

**Author's Note**: Raeda reporting for duty! Sorry things were so slow over the summer! And being back to school was a little too much to handle for a while. I got put in a lot of high level courses….but I'll try to make it up to you guys, ok? (I'm sure Meg won't mind a little more rush than normal) We'll do our best to update! (We're already working on the next chapter, so no worries!)

Hmm…Meg and I are seriously running out of ideas here folks. If anyone gets any ideas please leave us comments and tell us about them. Yes, that means we're taking requests now. Oh and I think we're going to move away from just kid shows and make it any show or movie. Ok? Sorry, but we need some way to get over this writer's block.

Um...I think that's it, but I can't be sure. It's about 4 am and I'm not entirely awake (mostly running on coffee at this point) But whatever...ENJOY!

**Disclaimer:** We do not own Winne the Pooh or Furuba

**Notice:** No tiggers were harmed in the making of this chapter, they're too bouncy and cuddly! -hugs Tigger- Meg: -slaps Rae- Knock it off! Rae: Yes, ma'am

Episode 10

~Akito vs Winnie the Pooh~

"Hey blondie! Are you guys just going to leave them in there forever?" (Kyo)

"Don't call me that! And I don't know. We put them there but…I don't even know if there is a way out." (Raeda)

"What happens when they get to the last channel?" (Haru)

"I don't know. Let's find out!" (Rae)

-In show-

"Hey, wha?" (Shigure)

"Shut up you fool! You're the reason we're in this mess!" (Akito)

"Ooooh. That wasn't v-v-very n-nice!" (Piglet)

"Yeah, you should be nice! And…oh, bother. Have you seen my honey, Piglet?" (Pooh)

"N-n-no, I-I'm s-s-sorry P-pooh." (Piglet)

"Hey idiot! It's over there!" -points to base of tree- (Akito)

"Ah! There it is! Thank you!" (Pooh)

"Oh, just shut up already! I-AAAGGHHH!" -gets trounced- (Akito)

"Hi there! I'm Tigger!" (Tigger)

"What?" (Akito)

"Hey, he's almost as cute as Kisa!" (Shigure)

"As…uh…who?" (Tigger)

"GET OFF ME!" (Akito)

"Aw, but I didn't get to sing my song yet!" (Tigger)

"Well, go ahead! Uh, what was your name again?" (Shigure)

"Tigger! T-I-doubleguh-ER!" (Tigger)

"Well then, Tigger, sing for us!" (Shigure)

"OOOOOOHHHH! The wonderful thing about tiggers is tiggers are wonderful things! They're bouncy trouncy bouncy trouncy fun-fun-fun-fun-fun! But the most wonderful thing about tiggers is I'm the only one. IIIIIIII'MMMMMMMMM the only one!" (Tigger)

"Thank God for that!" (Akito)

"Hey! Y-you're a m-m-mean p-person!" (Piglet)

"Well, you're right about that!" -grabs Piglet & strangles him to death- (Akito)

-In Living Room-

"Aw, why'd he have to do that? Piglet was so cute!" (Momiji)

"You should know by now what a horrible person Akito is." (Megumi)

"Yea, part of the reason we did this was to prove that point!" (Rae)

"But mostly just to see him suffer…" -grins- (Meg)

-In Show-

"Oh no! My dear Piglet!" (Pooh)

"Yea, what'd ya do to Piglet?" (Tigger)

"Shut it bouncy boy! Or you're next!" (Akito)

"Hey! You can't hurt him! He's adorable!" (Shigure)

"Are you gay?" (Akito)

"Uh no…I hope not. Why? You wanna put that little theory of yours to the test?" (Shigure)

"WHY YOU!" -chases Shigure off into the Hundred Acre Wood- (Akito)

"Um, Tigger. I think it's safe to come out now." (Pooh)

-comes out from behind a tree- "Aw, thanks Pooh, ol' buddy!" (Tigger)

"No problem." (Pooh)

-Stumbles into clearing, bloody gash on forehead then faints- (Shigure)

"Uh oh…" -runs/bounces off- (Tigger)

"Come back here, Stripey Ass! I'm gonna—" (Akito)

"What's all this noise? You there! Why are you standing in my garden! Can't you read? STAY OUT!" (Rabbit)

-looks down and notices squash all over shoe- "So? Who says I have to listen to you?" (Akito)

"Me, that's who!" (Rabbit)

"Well too bad, I don't listen to smelly furbags. Shigure had to learn that the hard way." (Akito)

"What did you just call me?" (Rabbit)

"Oh, that's it…" (Akito)

-In Living Room-

"How come Tigger always gets in trouble but never gets pulverized?" (Haru)

"Because Rae thinks he cute and won't allow it." (Meg)

-Hugs Tigger- (Rae)

-Sigh- "You see what I mean?" (Meg)

"Oh." (Haru)

"Nombre de Dios, Meg! Did you have to make this part so bloody?" -sees blood splatter on the screen- (Rae)

"Numbray day whattey?" (Meg)

-giggles- "Nombre de Dios…and your accent sucks!" -instinctively ducks, just in case- (Rae)

-Back In Show-

"That'll show him! Now, where'd Stripey Ass go? I wanna—" (Akito)

"Are they gone?" (Tigger)

"Hmm…they seem to have disappeared." (Pooh)

"Oh well!" (Tigger)


	11. Akito vs Harry Potter

**Author's Note:** I've had two of the most intense midterms I've ever had in my life, I haven't slept more than a few hours a day the last few weeks, I nearly broke my wrist in gym class (which should be eliminated from the curriculum in my opinion) and I've been sick for about a month straight. Please understand why it took so long to write this. I know I'm a horrible person for taking so long, but I'll try to pick up the pace a bit.

Hmm...I'm gonna have to do a lot of Googleing for some of the requests we've been getting. I don't know what half those shows are! And of course, Meg doesn't know what they are either. Still, keep the requests coming! We'll do our best to get to them all. It may take a while, but I promise we'll do them!

Ok, I deserve a bit of randomness here...pokes Meg with a spork _**"**__**RAWR!**__**"**_ -bites Rae- "Ow...ok, fine. But sporks are still cool!" Enjoy all! (You know you love the randomness!)

**Disclaimer**: We do not own Harry Potter or Furuba...or Naruto

Episode 11

~Akito vs Harry Potter~

"Hey! I've been here before! This was on the movie channel a while back!" (Shigure)

"Then where are we, dumbass?" (Akito)

"Um, this is Hogwarts." (Harry)

"Yea, and who the bloody hell are you?" (Ron)

"I distinctly remember reading in Hogwarts: A History that it is impossible to apparate within school boundaries. So how did you just appear here? Did you sneak in under an invisibility cloak?" (Hermione)

"Invisibility my ass! I didn't try to come here!" (Akito)

"He means, pretty lady, that we are simply being pulled along through cable tv, channel to channel, with no control over it." (Shigure)

"You mean I'm on tv?" (Harry)

"DON'T GET A FAT HEAD!" (Akito and Snape)

"Who the hell are you?" (Akito)

"I should ask you the same." (Snape)

"Who I am is none of your business." (Akito)

"You give such good advice. You should listen, Potter. Don't get a fatter head." (Malfoy)

"Hmm...I think I like you." (Akito)

"He is a good boy, isn't he?" (Snape)

"Yea, and I suppose you're not so bad yourself." (Akito)

"Same to you, sir." (Snape)

"Good boy? Bloody bastard, more like!" (Ron)

"I'll show you!" -tries to hit Ron...and is turned into a pure white ferret- (Malfoy)

"What the..." (Akito)

"Oh no you don't!" -moves wand up and down and watches the ferret bounce- (Moody)

-laughing- (Harry, Ron, Hermione, Shigure)

-In Living Room-

"Heh, serves him right!" (Kyo)

"He won't be the only one." (Raeda)

"Yea, and if you think that's funny, wait till you see what McGonagall does to Shigure!" (Megumi)

-In Show-

-POOF!-

"Hey, where are we...and what is THAT?" -points to Malfoy...who is now bouncing off the walls, ceiling, and even Snape- (Naruto)

"It's a bouncing ferret, you idiot!" (Sakura)

"A bouncing ferret?" -gets an idea- (Sasuke)

"Huh?" (Kakashi)

"Hey, you! How'd you do that?" (Sasuke)

"Well..." -explains- (Moody)

"Does it have to be a ferret, or can it be a weasel?" (Sasuke)

"Oh well...I don't see why not. It could be a weasel." (Moody)

"Poor Itachi...he's not going to like this." (Kakashi)

-POOF!-

"How are these people doing that?" (Hermione)

"Dunno, but...BLOODY HELL!" (Ron)

"Mr Weasley! Watch your language, or I'll—" (Snape)

"Let go of Scabbers, ya bastard!" (Ron)

"What did you just call me! The damn beast bit me!" -shows heavily bleeding finger- (Akito)

"It's not his fault, you're scaring 'im!" (Ron)

"Oh, forget scaring, I'll kill him!" -strangles Scabbers- (Akito)

"NO!" -jumps Akito- (Ron)

"Get off me, you little brat!" (Akito)

-sneaks off- (Shigure)

"Not till you let Scabbers go!" (Ron)

"Fine, you can have him!" -throws (hard) against the wall- (Akito)

"Scabbers!" (Ron)

"Excuse me." (McGonagall)

"What the hell do you want?" (Akito)

-vein popping- "Is this yours?" -holds up Shigure by the collar- "I found him sexually harassing some of the students...again." (McGonagall)

-Waves- "Sorry Akito, she's scary!" (Shigure)

"Never seen him before in my life!" (Akito)

"Then he is mine to deal with." -Walks away, still dragging Shigure by the collar- (McGonagall)

"No! Help me! Please Akito, don't let the scary lady take me, I'll be good, I promise!" -attempts to dig nails into floor- (Shigure)

"Shut up, you!" (McGonagall)

-whimpers- (Shigure)

-In Living Room-

"So...what happens to him?" (Haru)

-evil grin- "Well, let's just say that McGonagall happens to own a VERY large paddle and has a REALLY good swing!" (Meg)

"hee hee, that was my favorite part!" (Rae)

"No wonder!" (Kyo)

-In Show-

"You killed 'im! Look!" -holds up for inspection- "YOU KILLED SCABBERS!" (Ron)

"So what?" -grabs and throws to Crookshanks...who promptly eats him- "It was just a rat." (Akito)

-attacks Akito- "I'll kill you!" (Ron)

-click-

"I think it best we sit this one out..." (Haru)

-silence-

"Ok, that should be good..." (Haru)

-click-

"Ron!" (Harry)

"Quick! Let's take him to Madam Pomfrey!" (Hermione)

-walks up and rubs up against Akito's ankles- (Crookshanks)

"Good cat...I wonder, would you eat Yuki for me?" (Akito)

-In Living Room-

"Hey, that's a good idea!" (Kyo)

-simultaneously knock Kyo out- (Haru and Yuki)

"Hee hee, see? I told you this would be a fun chapter!" (Rae)

"Shut up." (Meg)

"You're mean!" (Rae)

"I know." (Meg)


	12. Akito vs Barney the Sequel

**Author's Note:** Ok, guys, just in time for the holidays. I almost didn't write it since I've been so busy what with Meg going through surgery and all (not too bad, she just had to have her jaw broken and reset, not like anything was seriously wrong) But here it is. I hope you all enjoy! (I really don't have much to say) Merry Christmas all! Happy Holidays!

Episode 12

~Akito vs Barney: The Sequel~

-In Living Room-

"Oh, and by the way, guys, I guess you could say that this episode is going to be a bit of a musical." (Raeda)

"It's not my fault! It was all dumbass' idea!" -points to Rae- (Megumi)

"Oh grr!" (Rae)

"Wait, what do you mean 'musical'?" (Haru)

"I taught Akito a few songs. Don't worry, there are only two." (Rae)

"Yea, because it wasn't enough that he was a homicidal retard, now he's a homicidal retard that sings!" (Kyo)

-knocks Kyo out- "Anyone else have any complaints?" (Rae)

-crickets chirping-

"Good. On with the show!" (Rae)

-In Show-

"Where the—AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" (Akito)

-glomps Akito and begins singing- "I love you, you love me…" (Barney)

"Agh! Not you again! I thought I killed you!" (Akito)

"But I was granted another life!" (Barney)

"NO! Here's a new song for you!" -begins to sing- "I hate you, you hate me…" (Akito)

"But wait! That's not how it goes!" (Barney)

"Oh, I like this song!" (Shigure)

-gets out of hug and nods to Shigure- "Let's get together and kill Barney!" (Akito)

"Hey! You can't sing that! It's mean!" (Barney)

"Oh, but we're not just singing!" (Akito)

-singing- "With a baseball bat and a 2x4…" (Shigure and Akito)

-Baseball bat and 2x4 appear out of nowhere-

-begin beating Barney with them as they sing- "NO MORE PURPLE DINOSAUR!" (Shigure and Akito)

-In Living Room-

"Hey! Where did those come from?" (Kyo)

"Why, I put them there of course!" (Rae)

"But you can't do that! It's impossible!" (Kyo)

"Well, get used to it, you're in OUR fanfic now!" (Rae)

"Yea, we would have killed you by now if it weren't for the fangirls." (Meg)

"Maybe it's worth it anyway." (Rae)

-In Show-

"I'm bored." (Shigure)

"Shut up!" (Akito)

"But we already killed him, what else is there to do?" (Shigure)

"I said shut up!" (Akito)

"Can we sing/act out another song?" (Shigure)

"No." (Akito)

-silence-

"Please?" (Shigure)

-sigh- "Fine." (Akito)

"How about 'Joy to the World'?" (Shigure)

"Ok, but with a twist." -maniacal grin- (Akito)

-sings- "Joy to the world, Barney is dead! We barbequed his head!" (Shigure and Akito)

-campfire and spit "magically" appear and they start roasting his head-

"What happened to the body? We flushed it down the poddy." Shigure and Akito)

-Toilet "magically" appears and they dump the body in and attempt to flush, flooding the room in the process-

"And round and round it goes, and round and round it goes, and round and round and round it goes." (Shigure and Akito)

-sigh- "That was fun!" (Shigure)

"Very." (Akito)

"I think we've bonded!" -Hugs Akito- (Shigure)

-pushes away- "Don't push it, retard." (Akito)

"Aw, you've already got a pet name for me! What can I call you? To-chan? Kit? Teddy?" -hugs again- (Shigure)

"THAT'S IT!" -Knocks Shigure out- (Akito)

-In Living Room-

-grinning- "See, wasn't that fun?" (Rae)

-pouting- "I hate you." (Kyo)

"Keep it up, you'll be next!" (Meg)

-silence-

"That's what I thought." (Meg)

"Aw, Onee-chan looks after me!" (Rae)

"No, I just don't like him!" (Meg)

"Hmph! Fine, I'll protect myself then!" -kicks Kyo- "See?" (Rae)

"YARGH!" -kicks back of knees and laughs as Rae falls- (Kyo)

-slaps Kyo- (Rae)

"Ah, a cat fight, now that's amusing!" (Meg)

"Yup!" (Yuki, Haru, etc)


	13. Akito vs Lilo and Stitch

**Author's Note:** Sorry we're so behind, guys. So to make up for being rather late (over a month of writer's block! It nearly killed me!) I made it kinda long so that you have plenty to read!

Also, Meg and I decided that we are going to end this "season" at Chapter 15. Don't worry, we might take a little break to work on other things but we will return shortly to begin "Season 2", the sequel. And we also decided to switch things up a bit in the sequel, to make it more interesting.

Just a reminder that comments and suggestions are much loved and received with joy! (well, by Rae, anyway)

**Disclaimer: **We do not own Fruits Basket or Lilo and Stitch

Episode 13

~Akito vs Lilo and Stitch~

"Ahhh!" -backs into Akito- "What IS it?" (Shigure)

"Minananequista!" (Stitch)

"What are you talking about? Isn't it obvious? It's a demented koala." (Akito)

"Hey! Get away from Stitch!" (Lilo)

"Watch it, you little brat. You don't tell me to do anything!" (Akito)

"Leave my dog alone!" (Lilo)

"That's not a dog! I know dogs and that…_thing_ is NOT a dog!" (Shigure)

"Hmm…well, if it's not a dog, I wonder if it eats dogs." (Akito)

"What? Why?" -sweat drop- (Shigure)

"Well, if I can't get rid of you any other way, why not feed you to a demented koala?" (Akito)

"Stitch doesn't eat dogs!" -mutters under breath- "Or at least, not anymore…" (Lilo)

"Aw darn! And here I thought koalas ate trash…" (Akito)

-ground shakes to rhythmic pounding-

"What the—" (Akito)

"Ah! It's Gantu!" (Lilo)

"Hello, trog!" (Gantu)

"Ahh!" -jumps behind Akito- (Shigure)

-smacks Shigure- "And what are you? A mutant whale?" (Akito)

"What?" -turns to side- "Do I need to lose weight?" (Gantu)

"Shut up, you incompetent idiot! No one cares if you need to lose weight!" (Hamsterveil)

"Fascinating. A mutant whale taking orders from a talking gerbil…with a cape." (Akito)

"I AM NOT A GERBIL!" -blasts Akito- "And my cape is very stylish." (Hamsterveil)

"Why that dumbass gerbil!" -hair poofs up- "Look at this! I'll kill that gerbil!" (Akito)

"Ha ha, Fluffy!" (Stitch)

"Who are you calling 'Fluffy', you demented koala!" (Akito)

-In Living Room-

"Wow, Akito's really pissed." (Haru)

"Yea, I've wanted to give him a bad hair day for a long time!" (Rae)

"He deserves it." (Meg)

-door bursts open-

"Hello, my precious little brother! I have come to—" -disappears- (Ayame)

"I didn't do it!" (Rae)

-In Show-

"Hey, so if it's a rodent…let's feed it to Aaya!" (Shigure)

"Huh? What is this 'Aaya' thing of which you speak?" (Hamsterveil)

-appears in horror movie mode- "Your worst nightmare!" (Ayame)

-gulp- "Uh oh…" (Hamsterveil)

-back to normal- "Aww! How cute!" -picks him up- "Let's make a dress for it!" (Ayame)

"Agh! Anything but that!" (Hamsterveil)

"Oh, but you'll look so cute!" -walks away to go to work- (Ayame)

"Oh look, it's Lilo the Weirdo." (Myrtle)

"What do you want? Can't you see we're busy here?" (Lilo)

"So? Why do I care? You and your freaky friends can go jump in a pool of pudding for all I care." (Myrtle)

"Mmm…pudding!" (Stitch and Shigure)

"Hey, who are you calling a freak, you little—" (Akito)

"Tada! Isn't it just so ADORABLE!" (Ayame)

"Let go of me, you abomination! And get me out of this horrid…thing!" (Hamsterveil)

-doubles over in laughter- "Wow, Aaya, I think this might be your best work yet!" (Shigure)

"It's…_pink_…" (Akito)

"Yes, isn't it lovely? I—" -cell phone rings- "One moment please….hello?" (Ayame)

"I think it's about time you put that poor creature down and come home." (Hatori)

"Aww, but—" (Ayame)

"I think Yuki wants to talk to you." (Hatori)

-In background- "WHAT?" (Yuki)

"Hooray! I'll be there in a flash!" (Ayame)

"Good boy Ayame." (Hatori)

-In background- "You suck, Hatori." (Yuki)

"See you soon, then!" -hangs up- (Ayame)

"Finally! Put me down!" (Hamsterveil)

-drops him and starts hopping around- (Ayame)

"Whatcha doin', Aaya?" (Shigure)

"Trying to get out. I jumped to get here, maybe I have to jump to get out." (Ayame)

-Ten minutes later-

-sitting on the ground sobbing hysterically- "Waaaahh! I wanna see Yuki!" (Ayame)

-In Living Room-

"Hey Meg, do you think we should let him out now?" (Rae)

"_**NO!**__**"**_ (Meg and Yuki)

"Er, let him suffer a while longer." (Meg)

"But Onee-chan, that's mean!" -puppy eyes- (Rae)

-sigh- "Fine, but shut him up!" (Meg)

-appears in living room- "Yay! Yuki!" (Ayame)

-hands Yuki a roll of duct tape- "Have fun, dear. Just try not to get carried away." (Rae)

-In Show-

"Hey, how the hell did he get out? He was just sitting there crying like the pathetic waste of air that he is and he got out!" (Akito)

"Hey! Be nice to Aaya!" (Shigure)

"Nah, I agree with the old fart." -points to Akito- "He was annoying!" (Myrtle)

"Bleh!" (Stitch)

"That's it! YOU'RE GONNA PAY! YOU AND THAT DEMENTED KOALA!" (Akito)

-holds up sheet to screen to block it- "Sorry, kids, you shouldn't be seeing this." -blood splatters on sheet- "In fact, I'm not even sure I want to be seeing it." (Shigure)

-In Living Room-

-glares- (Meg)

"I didn't do anything! I swear!" (Rae)

"Uh huh." (Meg)

"Really! I didn't—" (Rae)

"Whatever." (Meg)


End file.
